my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We need to rekindle our bromance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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