Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
