Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
