i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
