so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
