No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
