This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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