two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
