$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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