Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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