alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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