did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
