My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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