Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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