This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
