Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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