So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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