I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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