You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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