omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
