Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
