its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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