I can text with my tongue
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
