found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The adults are the big ones right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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