Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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