Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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