so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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