Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
