4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
