Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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