You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
