I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
