Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
