i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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