Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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