Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
