Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she peed on how many people?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
