laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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