ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
