The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
