My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
