I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
