Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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