Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
