Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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