Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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