I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
