I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
