people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
