I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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